Taylor Swift: I knew you were trouble when you walked in so shame on me now.
European Union: Um, huh?
Taylor Swift: Flew me to places I’ve never been, now I’m lying on the cold, hard ground.
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble.
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble.
In late June’s heartbreakingly breaking news that Taylor Swift has called it quits with the EU, it would come as no surprise that the Teflon chanteuse had written a song about the breakup. Yet in a bizarre turn of events the EU has beat her at her own game and is poised to release a song about the split. Triad City Beat has secured an early copy of the lyrics.
In other news it is rumored that Swift has rebounded with the Eurasian Economic Union and is studying the Cyrillic alphabet furiously at her Rhode Island mansion. This story has not yet been confirmed.
“Mad Cow”
by the European Union
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
You know it used to be Chunnel vows
So take a look the pound now
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
You can’t take it back, look at where you’re at
We was united, like the states
Now it’s like, we don’t even date
Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson broke us like panne
Just like a baguette — in Paris, France
Cameron resigned — like a shrimp in a pan
In a paella in Spain where our love began
I don’t hate you, but I have to critique
Those geezers who made us incomplete
It’ll take time to erase you and jobs galore
And a lot of wailing on Parliament’s floor
So you can see why my respect ain’t sincere no more
Oh it’s sad to
Think about the good times
You and I
Eurostar trips and real French fries
Belgian chocolates and diamonds galore
Inexpensive Bordeaux and petit four
Sauerbraten and so much more
Erasmus-funded education and Italian shores
Balkan brandy and Portuguese fado door-to-door
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
You know it used to be Chunnel vows
So take a look at the Pound now
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
You can’t take it back
Take a look where you at
We was united, like the states
Now it’s like we don’t even date
Now we’ve got problems
Like economic pull out
Forget the sauerkraut
And I don’t think we can solve ’em
You made a really deep cut
And baby, now you’re really a Mad Cow
Nobody will touch you
And it’s sad cause we loved you
Forty-eight percent wanted us together
Now it’s raining all the time, just like you
It’s nasty weather
I don’t care if you can knit a sweater
You broke the yarn that tied us together
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
You know it used to be Chunnel vows
So take a look at the Pound now
Cause baby, you’re a Mad Cow
