by Jordan Green
Every parent of a small child knows that kids can be at their most ungovernable when they’re fighting sleep. Learning some tricks to ease the transition — singing, cuddling, bouncing, whatever — is essential to maintaining parental sanity.
I’m at a fundamental disadvantage. Let’s just say that when one parent comes in the lovable form of a soft, fluffy cloud, it’s sets an impossibly high bar. I, on the other hand, am built like a bony scarecrow.
It’s both comical and cruel when my two-and-a-half-year old tries to nestle her head into my shoulder to find a snuggly place to rest, shifting this way and then that only to bump into a sharp clavicle.
I exaggerate the challenges a little bit, but it is absolutely true that a couple days ago I resorted to carefully lying down on the couch with her head positioned on my chest so I could get her to sleep.
Now, I have observed these ingenious devices called bibs. The ones we have are plastic instead of cloth and come equipped with an open pouch to catch falling food. They’re easy to clean. But I digress.
The point is they snap easily around the child’s neck.
It struck me that I need something similar that I can fasten around my neck, most likely with Velcro. Instead of a pouch for catching dribbles of liquid and stray food, it would support basically a pillow designed to create a comfortable place for a child to nestle her head. It should probably be filled with some kind of light, fluffy material like down feather and covered in Velveteen. It wouldn’t hurt if the pillow were fashioned into twin mounds roughly proportioned over my chest. Get the picture?
I can hardly imagine wearing something so ridiculous outside the house, so I say the louder and more obnoxious the design the better. A patchwork quilt pattern would be a start. Star Wars — why not? Or how about Barney, America’s favorite purple dinosaur?
I’m feeling generous, so if anyone is interested in patenting this brilliant idea, go for it. But if you start manufacturing pillow bibs, would you mind sending me one?