IN PRINT: Editorial — Nickelback no more

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Greensboro, High Point and Winston-Salem have much to learn from each other, if they’d care to watch and listen, as these cultural centers emerge from what were once mill and factory towns.

There’s a lot of trial and error to the growth process — think of an adolescent trying to figure out what kind of person she’ll be — and missteps are inevitable.

And according to estately.com, a website none of us have ever heard of until last week, we have taken a serious wrong turn.

Last week, the site named Greensboro the “douchiest” city in the state of North Carolina, with Winston-Salem ranking third, behind Charlotte.

Yes, Greensboro is ahead of Charlotte.

They all placed on the site’s ranking of the country’s 100 biggest cities, calibrated with metrics culled from Facebook likes for things like Nickelback, Vin Diesel, Dane Cook and the entire Ed Hardy catalog. So it’s not exactly scientific, but there might be something to it: Four of the top five are in Texas.

Greensboro’s 54 ranking was based on a perfect 100 on the Ed Hardy index, with higher than average scores in Bluetooth usage, mixed martial arts fanhood and Axe body spray aroma which, unfortunately, does not sound too far off base.

Winston-Salem’s douchebags helped their city earn 72nd place with another perfect 100 for Ed Hardy, a 100 Bluetooth score and a 63 in the “Tosh.0” rating.

And we should count ourselves lucky. Charlotte, long the DB capital of the Old North State that placed 64th this year, didn’t score a 100 in any category, and not very many people there are using Bluetooth headsets at all… probably because it’s 2014.

Something else to consider: By population alone, Greensboro is just the 69th biggest city in the country; Charlotte is the 17th. That means Greensboro not only has a higher ratio of DBs to regular humans, but they may actually have more of them on the ground

Obviously, this is unacceptable. We’re trying to lure big companies, create jobs, and get our economy going. We can’t have these douchebags ruining it for us.

So fellas, it’s time to lose the Bluetooth and wash off the Axe. And understand that you just can’t walk around wearing Ed Hardy stuff anymore without people getting the wrong idea.

If you don’t like the new rules, there’s always Charlotte.