President Donald Trump is in Great Britain this week, and I’ve been taking great pleasure at seeing his discomfort with the whole deal. I saw a photo of him standing next to the queen in a white tie and tails, and he looked like a little kid who was pissed off because he had to get dressed up. Also, a bit like a 6-foot ventriloquist’s dummy.
But what I’m really waiting for is someone to milkshake him.
Milkshaking, friends, is a method of voicing displeasure with another human by purchasing a commercially available milkshake — vanilla is the preferred flavor, though I assume it’s been done with chocolate and perhaps even strawberry — and then flinging it like an icy, delicious grenade at the target, preferably on camera.
The kids call it “de-platforming.” I call it hilarious.
It’s so hot in the UK right now. It started just last month, coinciding with the European Parliament election, when British right-wing activist Tommy Robinson got milkshaked on both May 1 and 2. Another far-right candidate, Carl Benjamin, got milkshaked four times in May. Nigel Farage, leader of the Brexit Party, got milkshaked on May 20. It became so common that constables asked a McDonalds in Scotland to stop selling milkshakes during Farage’s campaign stop.
Naturally, there’s YouTubes of all of this.
Like all great British trends, it’s coming to the US. The flouncy hate machine Milo Yiannopoulis has been recently milkshaked. And on Saturday, US Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Florida) got milkshaked after leaving a town hall at the Brew Ha Ha in Pensacola.
Maybe that’s why Trump looked so uncomfortable in his stupid, ill-fitting morning suit: He knows there’s a milkshake out there with his name on it.
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Also hilarious (as opposed to Hillaryous) are very small, sad people on teeny tiny platforms who are utterly twisted out of shape by the fact that the will of the people is so very far from what they were oh, so certain that it was, nay, MUST be.
Such witless lemmings will undoubtedly be losing their freaking minds come November 4th when, once again, we shall hear their symphony of plaintive wails, not unlike those which came from Mortimer Duke at the end of the movie Trading Places.
GET THOSE VOTERS BACK IN HERE! TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ON! TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ONNNN!!!