Random Listicle: 6 unused Triad food & drink puns

by Anthony Harrison

1. The Winston Sal-mon smoked salad

If it wouldn’t likely kill you, we’d recommend serving this on a bed of tobacco leaves. But since eating straight-up tobacco has dire health consequences, we can roll with a bed of romaine. Top it off with some smoked salmon, a dollop of cream cheese and a smoky dressing — maybe a bacon-caper vinaigrette. To incorporate the brightleaf plant in a way that wouldn’t make you violently ill, a tobacco flower could make for a beautiful little garnish. Just don’t eat it.

2. The GreensBurger

We find it unbelievable this hasn’t been driven into the ground by burger joints around Greensboro. Our take would be a veggie burger topped with spinach, sprouts and guacamole. Really, any kind of green thing could go on this burger. Also, if you’re feeling super green, you could skip the bread and throw it into a spinach wrap, or even fold it in a lettuce leaf. Seriously, how has no one else thought of this before?

[Editor’s note: Someone pointed out that Emma Keys does have a Greensburger. Glad to hear it! (1/18/15)]

3. Hop Point Double Imperial IPA

The hoppiest beers dominate the world of brew puns. Winston-Salem’s Foothills Brewery wisely claimed Hoppyum while the name was available. Surprisingly, Natty Greene’s doesn’t utilize hop puns in their IPAs. But High Point could hop in on the pun fest with the Hop Point Double Imperial IPA. Using enough hops to make Ska Brewing’s Modus Hoperandi taste smooth and malty in comparison, Hop Point would reserve itself for the most adventurous of hop thrill-seekers.

4. The RJR Cocktail

Here’s our idea for a perfect summer drink. The mint julep needs no introduction — it’s bourbon, simple syrup and mint leaf, arguably the quintessential Southern cocktail. The R&R isn’t as well known, but it sounds tasty: bourbon mixed with rosewater and garnished with raspberries. We don’t see how a hybrid of the two couldn’t be delicious. Maintaining the essential elements of both cocktails, we imagine mint and raspberry muddled together, mixed with rosewater, simple syrup and, naturally, really good bourbon.

5. The Grandover Easy

Think of the most opulent brunch you’ve ever eaten. We’re about to make it seem like something you’d get at a greasy-spoon diner. Named after an affluent Greensboro resort, the Grandover Easy takes the already-rich dish of eggs Benedict and puts a royal spin on it. Over-easy quail eggs on an English muffin (actually imported from England) with a crab cake subbing for bacon, topped with any conceivable creamy sauce — Mornay, bordelaise, béchamel or the traditional hollandaise.

6. High Point Fry Joint

Instead of a specific menu item, the High Point Fry Joint concept encompasses an entire restaurant. You can’t pass up the rhythm and rhyme of the name. It’s a very simple concept, too — every damn thing in the restaurant is fried. Fried chicken, fried fish, fried steak, fried pork chops, fried okra, hush puppies, French fries — you name it, they fry it. This might be the kind of place where you’d have to sign a waiver before you eat there, but the name alone would make the lawsuits worth it.