Unpopular Opinion: Beer sucks

1
372

I’ve never claimed to a beer drinker, but I do occasionally find myself partaking in a brew or two.

This past weekend, I stopped by Foothills Brewing tasting room. When I walked in the door, I was bombarded by the fragrant smell of beer and the sound of a local rock band playing the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army.”

I walked to the bar as if I were a regular, looked at the menu and picked the first thing I saw, which was the Carolina Blond. I felt the low-alcohol beer would be my safest bet, since I had no designated driver and didn’t want to look out of place.

I stared at it intently, since I had already had paid the $3 and committed to a seat at the bar. I took a sip of it and was immediately hit with a bitter taste that sent my taste buds into a state of panic, making me draw back in revulsion.

This experience isn’t an isolated one, instead confirming that — despite trying plenty of variations — I hate beer.

I know that there are different types of beer such as lagers, ales, IPAs and stouts, but if you really think about it, the basic taste of the beer is somewhat like a dirty wet sock that has been left out in the sun to dry.”


Many people have said that beer is an acquired taste and the more you drink it, the more you will like it, but I can honestly say during my time as an active duty Marine that I tasted many beers —some of which I can’t remember — and the acquired taste still isn’t there.

Before everyone jumps down my throat, I know that there are different types of beer such as lagers, ales, IPAs and stouts, but if you really think about it, the basic taste of the beer is somewhat like a dirty wet sock that has been left out in the sun to dry. In comparison to wine and liquor, beer would be the ugly step-sister that would only be the chosen if the other two weren’t available. There’s nothing like a smooth taste of a cognac or the complex taste of wine, which is certainly not in the same league or ballpark as your average beer.
Beer culture sucks, too. The last time I attended a beer event, I felt so out of place that I ended up leaving early because the crowd was mostly comprised of buzzed college students and old men trying to score. Who wants to be surrounded by a bunch of tipsy, middle-aged men while listening to a local band play a rendition of “Pour Some Sugar on Me”?

When I go to events with beer tastings or hit up a beer festival, I am surprised at how many people show up to consume such vile tasting drink. In fact, I only go to beer events because there just isn’t much else to do, and if I don’t go, I find my social life to be pretty lacking. I’d prefer if fewer events revolved around alcohol in general, but if they’re going to, let’s mix it up and stray from beer more often.

  • Steve

    Clearly your taste buds are different from mine, my friend. Beer is always my first choice. And I’m obviously not alone.

    I’ve never tasted a dirty wet sock that’s been left out in the sun to dry, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t taste like beer. You’re entitled to your opinion, of course, but I think you overreached with that analogy.