Tis the season for giving and the Triad is in no shortage of the needy. I encourage you to give a kid a coat, donate to your local shelters, volunteer to feed the homeless, write a check to your favorite charity and adopt a needy kid’s wish list for the holidays. But the list doesn’t stop there. I’m a giver — just ask any of my ex-boyfriends — or call me a poor man’s white Oprah — but in the spirit of the season I offer a few more presents for some of those deserving and some of those in need.
Greensboro Mayor Nancy Vaughan: I offer you full access to my arsenal of Wonder Woman costumes. You’ve worked hard for justice and you not only deserve it but you would rock the hell out of a Wonder Woman suit. This is the first time in history that I have bequeathed full access and, lo and behold, it’s also the first time that North Carolina’s three largest cities all elected female mayors. Congrats to Raleigh’s re-elected Mayor Nancy McFarlane and Charlotte Mayor Elect Jennifer Roberts and to our very own Wonder Woman Vaughan.
Dudes I meet at Triad networking seminars: The Social Media Etiquette Guide is coming your way. Just because you have the ability to private message your friends and followers does not mean that you should do so indiscriminately. Just because we exchanged business cards and I graciously accepted your friend request does not give you permission to berate me with, “Hey,” “Hey Girl,” “What’s up?,” “You’re hot.” As impressive as your tenacious mouth-breathing skills are, the reason I am blocking you is because, “I am not interested.”
Greensburger: As much as I congratulate Hops Burger Bar on getting crowned best burger in the country on Trip Advisor’s list, I would like to offer the city of Greensboro health food. I will gnaw down a burger with the best of them and can sniff out a truffle fry faster than any porcine Perigordian. But this town is lousy with killer burger joints and virtually bereft of restaurants where the focus is arterial flow — not stoppage. There are a few excellent exceptions but for a historically hippie town, we’ve taken a greasy turn.
Developer Marty Kotis: I give to you an honorary engineering degree for building the bridges of real estate throughout Greensboro. Love him or hate him, this dude has been filling in the gaps and buildings and corridors for businesses that veer from downtown to the Battleground bridge all the way to Gate City Boulevard. Yes, many of those businesses are his own, but he’s paved the way for many others along the way.
Downtown Greensboro Inc. CEO Zack Matheny: A sparkling tiara for grace under pressure goes your way Zack for handling your recent troubles with aplomb.
Beat keepers: Sticks down and a moment of silence for the Triad’s music scene as we all learn of Winston-Salem institution Ziggy’s 2016 closing. That said, a well-earned standing ovation for the guys that keep the beat from venues like the Garage in Winston to Greensboro’s Blind Tiger all the way to the under-sung little guys like New York Pizza, the Green Bean and many more small businesses that encourage live music.
Greensboro Police Department: Congratulations to GPD for making us the subject of national controversy via a scathing article in the New York Times on racial profiling. I give the department a big raspberry for letting this go on in 2015.
Brewers: While the Triad hasn’t quite caught up with Asheville in terms of number of breweries, alehouses and potential IPA IPOs, it still has its molars floating in hops. I gift to you the Dad Bod of the Year Award and am grateful for the numerous mattress stores around where you can sleep those pints off.
Howard Coble: Finally, a warm tribute is owed our recently deceased congressman from the 6th District who served from 1985 to 2015. Despite being a Republican, Coble was loved by many and respected by most for his intellect, level-headedness and many kindnesses throughout his tenure.