1. You hate Kevin Powell, even though you’ve never met.
Who among us hasn’t cursed “Krazy Kevin Powell” for his horribly obnoxious radio commercials that amount to verbal harassment?
2. You’ve bragged about how much Greensboro has changed.
Your friends in bigger cities aren’t impressed, and your college friends who move away only half-heartedly listen. But you boast anyway, determined to argue that Greensboro “ain’t so bad after all” or carp about how different downtown is than “just five years ago.”
3. You’ve made up a theme song for the Grasshoppers.
It’s disheartening that the local team doesn’t have a true anthem. Good thing your friends thought up this one up years ago: “Greeeeeens-boro! Grasssssss-hoppers! Hoppin’ around, havin a good time!”
4. You’ve complained about how far away Winston-Salem is.
You were going to go to Winston to try a new restaurant or visit a friend who moved, but 30 minutes is just so far. Next weekend you’ll drive to a show at Cat’s Cradle.
5. You’ve cast a specific developer as the villain in Facebook comments, nightmares, and/or at a public meeting.
My money is on Marty Kotis or Roy Carroll, but you’re a true local if you go for a deeper cut like Nancy Hoffmann or Milton Kern.
6. You actually like those disgusting hot dogs at Yum Yum.
Any ol’ transplant can vouch for the ice cream. Locals love the dogs.
7. You talk about the old Rhino Club, how College Hill has changed, or how you helped save Café Europa.
We’ve heard this one before, bud.
8. Your last parking ticket was $15 or less.
If you even got one in the first place.
9. You complain about parking in a deck, about parking more than two blocks away from your destination, or “traffic.”
Yeah, you’re a local. Shut up already.
10. You’ve been to United House of Prayer and Stephanie’s, and you have a favorite.
Haven’t been? You’re probably white, you’re missing out and you’re not #sogso.
11. You own one of those North Carolina “Home” shirts.
And you insist on telling everyone that the company is based here.
12. You’ve puked in Hamburger Square.
Maybe it happened in the bathroom at Longshanks, in the alley by the Boiler Room or outside the old Snack Bar, but it happened, and your friends will remind you.
13. You remember when the dollar theater was actually a dollar.
What a rip, man.
14. You’ve yelled, “Ag-gie Pride!”
Still counts even if you didn’t go to A&T.
15. You’re already disputing this list as incomplete, not “Greensboro enough,” or in some way less authentic than you.
Make your own, then.