by Eric Ginsburg

1. They use turn signals

I moved to the South almost a decade ago, but after spending my formative driving years in the North, I struggle to tolerate the driving skills of my neighbors, especially in the Triad area. Apparently a lot of you consider it to be some great sacrifice or feat of strength to indicate that you plan to turn. I assure you, doing so will only make your life better. I’m not the only one who’s noticed; 88.5 FM, WFDD has a campaign to remind people to use the darn things.

2. They know how to merge

My real motive for complaining stems from a near accident on Sunday, when a driver on Wendover Avenue in Greensboro merged quickly across two lanes of traffic and forced themselves between two rapidly moving vehicles. This horribly dangerous maneuver caused another car to spin out as it slammed on the brakes and pulled sharply on the brakes. If a car had been next to me, I wouldn’t have been able to swerve out of the way, and I would’ve T-boned the spiraling victim. I see things like this all the time down here, especially as drivers fly across multiple lanes. Y’all need to chill with that. One at a time, please.

3. They understand fast lanes

There is either a higher percentage of sadists living here than most other cities or a whole generation of drivers never learned that traveling at the speed limit in the left lane of a four-lane highway is kind of a dick move. I’m thrilled for you that there’s no urgency in your life, but there are three other lanes for you to putter around in.

Northerners — who overall are too aggressive behind the wheel and are born with an innate sense of road rage — experience meltdowns when this predominantly Southern phenomenon presents itself.

4. They are capable of turning

Far too many people around here try to whip their whip across multiple lanes of traffic to make a turn instead of circling back to their turn. Maybe a carefree attitude causes people to forget which lane they’re traveling in. I see more near misses from this here than anywhere else I’ve been, and it’s particularly scary for bicyclists.

5. And they do it at a reasonable speed

An inordinate number of drivers seem unwilling or unable of pulling into a turn lane fully, sticking out into traffic and causing near accidents. In a similar vein, far too many drivers around here begin to turn but then move slower than Internet Explorer, creeping into a driveway and shutting down the street until they are good and ready to pull into a parking lot. I love y’all, really I do, and I’m not keen on returning to the Northeast, but can we get this under control?

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